If You're Gay, Please Stay

If You're Gay, Please Stay
By Lee McDaniel, Brown University '94
President, Joplin Gay Lesbian Center
president@joplingaylesbiancenter.com

Remarks to: Brown University LGBTQ Youth Vigil
Robert Student Center/Faunce House Steps
Monday, October 4, 2010

In the style of Harvey Milk, “I am here to recruit you.” No. Not recruit you, but to share in this solemn vigil for these persons whose lives we now honor with our actions and our call to justice. Some of us are like these youths - some of us are gay, some of us are perceived to be gay, some of us are straight, some are lesbian, bi, queer, some of us are still questioning our sexual identities, and some of us are transgender. We are not all the same, but...we all should control our own destinies. We should be free of bullies. We should be free of hate. We should be free of violence. We should be free of discrimination. We should be: wanted, loved, similar, & yet, different.

The new exhibit that opened today at the Sarah Doyle Women's Center gallery is entitled, “ Not At Rubber Ducks Look Alike.” We may all be like those rubber ducks – just ordinary people leading ordinary lives – but we don't all look alike. And guess what? It's no big deal. At least it shouldn't be. But for some people, it is a big deal. This is why we are here today: To create awareness of, and to prevent, the bullying of others. We are here... to education others, to promote diversity, to promote understanding, to honor the lives of these – and ALL – LGBQ youths & persons, To honor them – and our future generations – with the work we do: the work Kelly does, the work the Chaplain does, the work students do, the work I do as president & founder of the LGBTQ Center in my small, rural hometown of Joplin, Missouri... To honor the work we ALL do. Thank you, Kelly. Thank you, Chaplain. Thank you, students. Thank you, Brown.

Eminem's newest music video, released just days ago with Lil Wayne, is entitled, “No Love.” It deals with his own story of being bullied – for whatever reasons – as a kid. It's set against the chorus & hookline of Haddaway's early 90's hit, “What is Love:” “Baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me.” “Baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me.” [repeated] “Don't hurt me...no more.”

My message today is that THERE IS LOVE. It's right here for you. For us. We say to all the LGBTQ youth out there:

“If you're gay, please stay.” “If you're queer, we want you here.”

Would you join me in saying this aloud for everyone to hear? For all those who face the violence of bullying?

“if you're gay, please stay.” “If you're queer, we want you here.” [Lead audience & repeat]
Thank you. ##End

Winners & Losers. Especially LOSERS!

I agree with this blogger that we should not be giving every youth & child athlete a trophy or award at the end of the season. I really do not know or understand what these parents think when they vote & decide such rules. I feel the same toward soccer leagues and t-ball leagues that do not keep score.

KIDS KEEP SCORE. WE SHOULD, TOO! They know who wins. They know who loses. They may argue about who is the top team or most valuable player, but they sure know who is NOT in the running, who are the worst players and teams, and who are the average players who do not stand out.

Let's give trophies and awards for top players and teams. For THE single Most Valuable Player. For the winners. Let's keep score. And have winners and losers!

Link to City Room Blog at "The New York Times"
http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/08/26/complaint-box-m-v-p-most-vacuous-praise/?ref=nyregion

Killian Wells: New Sexual Orientation Model for Hollywood & the Music Biz

I respect this kid for stating upfront that he is bisexual. He says he wants to be honest and that he doesn't want to be distracted by whispers about his sexual orientation or by rumors if he's out with a guy or with a girl. I can respect and admire that. This is quite a change from the debut of & information about other pop and boy band acts in the last 2 decades. Also, it's a refreshing change to think that Killian doesn't think it will affect his career negatively. He wants respect and admiration for his talent & music - not for his private dating life. Kudos to Killian. I'd like to meet him next time we're in the same city.

Wikipedia link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Killian_Wells

The Edge article link: http://www.edgenewyork.com/index.php?ch=entertainment&sc=music&sc2=&sc3=&id=109023

Killian Wells Official Website link: http://killianwells.com/

Ode to Joy 2: Durval Martins Remembered

I wrote this last August for "Options Newsmagazine" in RI to honor my friend Durval.

Ode to Joy: We Remember the Life of Durval Martins

By Lee McDaniel

To the person who shot & murdered former RI resident & resident club kid & socialite Durval Martins:

I knew Durval Martins. Durval Martins was a friend of mine. Killer, you are no Durval Martins. You can’t be. You are a murderous, cold-blooded coward. Durval was a sweet, fun, and loving spirit. Shame on you, you bastard, for taking Durval away from us.

To Durval’s friends here in Rhode Island & elsewhere:

We will miss Durval. I knew him to be kind, considerate, thoughtful, & funny. Durval liked to dance, go out, experience life & new adventures, & have drinks with friends. Unfortunately, he was taken from us on December 16, 2008, by a murderous gun-shot wound as he was walking home from a night out with friends in the Dupont Circle section of Washington, DC. The police to this day have no solid leads, despite a $25,000 reward that was eventually doubled to $50,000. No solid leads after intense community involvement, pleas from his family, and a major vigil that even was attended by police detectives. His was the 2^nd murder within 4 months of each other, occurring with 4-5 blocks of each other in the same DC neighborhood. Police and newspaper reports indicate that this was not a robbery or other crime gone awry, because, evidently, Durval’s wallet, cash, & phone was still on his person.

Gays & Lesbians Opposing Violence, (GLOV), a community group formed after these murders, held a candlelight vigil in mid-May 2009, but still has made no real progress in assisting the police in solving this and the other murders. Many claim that these are hate-crimes and are urging the mayor’s office and the detectives to investigate them as such. So far, because there is so little evidence, they have not yet been classified as such.

I’ve contacted some of Durval’s local Rhode Island, friends, as well as his twin gay brother, Pedro. The consensus is astonishing: Durval was such a sweet soul with a wide open heart. Durval and his twin brother Pedro moved to Pawtucket, RI, in the summer of 1988 – they could barely speak English at the time. They graduated from public schools, worked in restaurants and other places, and became active in the downtown club scene and in the international student scene, which is where I met them. My roommate Xenophon Kyriazis, then a RISD grad student, introduced me to the Durval and Pedro in the mid-90’s. Durval and I hit it off right away, and spent many nights at Brown & RISD parties and at the downtown clubs. He was my guest at many Brown events, including Brown International Organization’s annual soire downtown. One year, we shared a table and stories with the Chancellor of Brown, who remarked what an indomitable spirit Durval had. This is how I always will remember him.

Pedro told me that he envied Durval for “just being able to pick up and go on new adventures where he made new friends and memories all over the world.” Others told me that he was “always willing to give a helping hand to a stranger or friend in need.” Durval’s smile matched his spirit: big, bright, and bold. Durval embraced people where they were. He didn’t ask them to change, but grew with them, wherever that may have lead.

In July 2009, Pedro spent his first birthday without his beloved twin. I wish I could have been in DC in July to share that birthday, WITH Pedro, FOR Durval. Maybe I will do so next year. On August 15th, 2009, I hosted a memorial event & toast for Durval at a private home in Rhode Island. We toasted to free spirits and to new friends. If you were there, you knew it was just as Durval would have enjoyed. If you missed it, please know that Durval was there with us, in spirit and in our hearts. Durval, we love you still.

If you want to honor Durval’s life, please make a donation in his name to Marriage Equality RI (MERI). You can find them online or on facebook.

Lee McDaniel is a freelance journalist and columnist, based in Missouri and Providence, whose works have appeared in Options, Providence Monthly, Divine Providence, The Brown Daily Herald, The College Hill Independent, and The Joplin Globe. He can be reached at leemcd@alumni.brown.edu

LINK to Dec 2009 article about another murder and Durval:
http://www.metroweekly.com/news/?ak=4760

LINK to Dec 2008 article about Durval's murder:
http://www.metroweekly.com/news/?ak=3965

Ban The "N" Word (Nigger)? No!

Update on 8-17-2010:
Here is an excellent article about this issue in "The Huffington Post."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/keli-goff/why-we-should-actually-th_b_684190.html?utm_source=DailyBrief&utm_campaign=081710&utm_medium=email&utm_content=BlogEntry

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See this link for the story of a Hawaii lawmaker who wants to ban the "n" word, at least symbolically, in the form of a resolution.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/08/13/dr-laura-john-mizuno-n-word-ban_n_682103.html

This is in response to Dr. Laura's rant about the "n" word which has been covered widely in the press. Keith Olbermann has a good take on her apology, of sorts.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/08/14/olbermann-blasts-dr-laura_n_682213.html

I have 2 thoughts on this whole issue:

1. Word usage is important. In a civil society, debate and discussion should govern. Words must be understood in context. If I quote someone's words, then that does not mean I approve of them or use them in the same way or with the same meaning. (I do not defend Dr. Laura one iota. Generally, I disagree with her ideas, statements, and points of view.) If I say "Dr. Laura said "nigger" 11 times in 5 minutes on her radio show," then my use is neutral. It is a statement of fact. If I say, "Dr. Laura is dating a nigger," then my use is prejudicial & racist and shows my ignorance and hate. We should not be afraid of language and words, but we CAN be concerned about their use & meanings, and about the consequences (both bad & good) of their usage.

Banning a word, or substituting symbols or abbreviations (such as sh*t or the n word,) is more disturbing to me than any word usage. Banning words is tantamount to dictatorship, whether violent & armed or religious & intolerant. Freedom is not free. It comes with a price. "Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty" or freedom, as has been said many times. Freedom of speech is foundational to our society. Education & socialization are the keys to understanding ourselves and others. Education is the antidote to ignorance and prejudice. Ideally, no one would use "nigger" in a bad way. However, people do. Banning the word is not the answer. Education is, and this leads me to my second thought.

2. The Hawaii lawmaker said that he proposed this resolution to ban the use of the word "nigger" because "he hopes it would send a message that the word is hateful and offensive." I think everyone knows this word is hateful and offensive. I think everyone knows that - even racist whites and others. Hawaii does not need a resolution to let people know this, but it will serve as a good and useful reminder. It continues the discussion, hopefully in a civil and good way.

I deplore the racist use of the word "nigger" and everyone in my life knows this. I call people out on this. Unfortunately, I do this all too frequently. I wish people didn't use this word today and I wish it had never been used to stereotype an entire race of people. We still have some work to do a society - and as individuals.

Flight Attendant: "Disturb the Peace" & Let's Move On

The sad parts about the JetBlue fight attendant's story are that the guy spent nearly a whole day in jail and that he faces up to 7 years in prison from a variety of charges. The guy went off at work. That's understandable, according to popular reaction. He's become a sort of cult hero with some people. Click the title above for The New York Times story. It's important to note that the plane had landed, the plane had come to a stop, no one was injured, no property or other damage was done, and that no one was ever in any real danger.

Here's what should have happened and what should happen going forward:

1. JetBlue should handle his employment status privately, as is expected of a private employer, even with a public incident.
2. He should have spent only a nominal amount of time in jail, just enough to get processed before being released on bail.
3. He should be charged, at most, with disturbing the peace. A fine or maybe short-term probation would be appropriate. No felony charges should be filed.

If this guy had taken similar action at an office building or factory, this probably would not have made even the local news. The fact that it was on an airplane changed everything. And that is OK, but only if something egregious happened. Felony charges & a prison sentence will change this guy's life dramatically - and for no good. It would be a waste of taxpayer time, money, & resources. If this guy spends even another day in prison or gets a major criminal record because of this incident, it will be a travesty of justice and a stubborn misuse of our prosecution and judicial systems.

Kudos for Celebrating Emancipation in the Park

Thanks and congrats to former Joplin City Councilor and my friend Jim West for another successful Emancipation in the Park event this past weekend. Jim & the committee do a fine job each year marking this important occasion. Read the story in "The Joplin Globe" by clicking this link:
http://www.joplinglobe.com/local/x1778839209/Black-white-alike-commemorate-emancipation-with-Park-Day

The sad thing is that this celebration is needed to create awareness of Emancipation Day & the attendant issues which survive to this day. It's sad because we, as a country, could have & should have solved these issues years & even decades ago. However, even today, in place like Joplin, MO, and many other places, racism and discrimination based on color of skin and perception of race, still exist.

Kudos to the committee for increasing awareness and for celebrating the goodness of diversity.

Update to Blackberry Blog

This is an expanded and informative article from The New York Times. It's really eye-opening to see the erosion of privacy and civil liberties not only here in the (free) West, but everywhere around the world.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/09/technology/09rim.html?hp

Cicilline for Congress, RI 1st District: Gay? Yes, but Who Cares?

This weekend, I am making phone calls for my friend David Cicilline, Mayor of Providence, who is running for Congress in RI's 1st District. He is seeking the seat being vacated by Patrick Kennedy. I am supporting David for a number of reasons.

David & I care about Providence, the 1st District, & its citizens. Period.
David & I are progressive Democrats, although we don't agree on every issue.
David & I are fellow alumni of Brown University, although 10 years apart.
David & I are gay, even though he came out years after I did.
David & I value the diversity of people, cultures, & views of the 1st District.

Please join me in supporting David. You can make calls, put up a lawn sign, or help us in the neighborhoods. Call or text me & I will put you in touch with the campaign. 401-354-2837.

The RI primary is Tuesday, September 14th! Help us get out the vote!

Here is a link David's campaign website: www.cicilline.com/

Family Guy: Quagmire's Dad Not Gay, He's Transgender & Named Ida

Many press outlets have reported the following quote by Seth MacFarlane, the creator of ""Family Guy" & other shows. He also voices many of the characters on "Family Guy."

''[The unhappy reaction to our transgender character] surprised me. I don't meet a lot of stupid homosexuals. They seem to be a pretty smart bunch. But it seemed that they were not picking up on the fact that it was a very sympathetic portrayal of a transsexual character.... Look, Brian happens to be a heterosexual character, as I am. If I found out that I had slept with a transsexual, I might throw up in the same way that a gay guy looks at a vagina and goes, 'Oh, my God, that's disgusting.'''

Her's a link to the story in "MetroWeekly."

http://www.metroweekly.com/news/last_word/2010/08/seth-macfarlane-surprised-by-g.html

My Thoughts:

This is much ado about nothing. Mr. MacFarlane has been a vocal supporter of gay rights. I've watched several interviews he's done. First & foremost, he's a cartoon satirist. There are many funny jokes & sketches to be done about gays, lesbians, & the transgender. While the extended vomiting sequence & Quagmire's beating of Brian may be unsettling to some, these scenes are neither over the top nor out of bounds as political satire or belief. I would much rather the media spend its time creating awareness of discussing & solutions to issues such as the homelessness of gay youth, inequalities before the law, same-sex domestic violence, and unequal access to marriage.

In addition, there are many other issues that seem to me to be more important that beating up Mr. MacFarlane unfairly. let's talk about religious intolerance & violence, education, freedom, civil liberties, and corporate raiding & bailouts.

A Mosque at Ground Zero is OK & Even Necessary

I think a mosque as part of a community center at or near Ground Zero is an excellent idea. Terrorists attacked us, not American citizens of the Islamic faith. Such an idea is practically necessary - it is totally the American thing to do.

The sad part is that while Dubai can build the world's tallest building from scratch in only a few years, we are nowhere near rebuilding Ground Zero almost a decade later. Shame on us, America.

Saudi Arabia & UAE to Block & Ban Blackberry Devices Because They Can't Censor Them Otherwise

Blackberry devices are being singled out for censorship because they don't route messages, email, & data to local servers. Blackberry routes them to international servers, for greater security, according to this article. So, the more secure the messaging service is for users, the more the desire for Saudi and UAE officials to block & censor the service. This is what the issue is about. These countries are closed and censorship is routine. Leaders are afraid of information and knowledge. Or rather, they are afraid of an informed and knowledgeable public.

Here are some telling quotes from this NY Times article:

"...analysts and activists also see it as an attempt to more tightly control the flow of information in the conservative country, a U.S. ally that is home to the Gulf business capital Dubai and the oil-rich emirate of Abu Dhabi."

"Like in Saudi Arabia, government censors in the UAE already routinely block access to websites and other media deemed to carry content that runs contrary to the nation's conservative Islamic values or could stoke political unrest."

UPDATE on 8-8-2010
Expanded article in The NY Times.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/09/technology/09rim.html?hp

Rethinking Criminal Justice Sentencing

Sentencing disparities have existed for decades, but especially after the advent of minimum mandatory sentences for crack cocaine and after "three strikes" sentencing became popular. There's no real difference between the use, possession, & sale of crack and powder cocaine except for the race of the majority and percentages of users. This is true for a variety of reasons, mostly economics and geography. The difference in sentencing, however, is due to racism and class, not economics and geography.

"The New York Times" editorial is right on target. It's time, beyond time, that we as a society, a nation, and a citizenry, and as a criminal justice issue, reform these guidelines to achieve a sense of parity in sentencing.